He stood in the back of the church. Dressed in a tuxedo, looking more handsome than I have ever seen him. It wasn’t simply the formal attire, he was radiating happiness.
I knew I only had a moment, and I touched his arm and said, I love you. And I am so happy for you.
I couldn’t say another word. The lump in my throat was too large.
I watched two of my best friends marry one another on Saturday.
I spent the weekend as you might expect- rehearsal, rehearsal dinner, ceremony, reception. I drank too much good wine. Enjoyed every carefully selected detail. Hit the dance floor with a vengeance.
I felt like a member of each family.
I also felt pangs familiar only with others who have gone through these motions before. Worn the white dress, exchanged the vows, and, yet, find themselves in the present sans a plus one. If you have been there, I don’t believe you can sit among the dearly beloved gathered at a wedding and not wonder, Will I ever find someone so right, feel so strongly, fall so hard, trust myself so much to go through those motions again?
As I process those pangs, I reflect on how much more I know today about myself, love, life, than I did on July 7, 2001. These best friends have taught me so much about the intersection of true love and greater-than-the-sum-of-its-parts partnership.
I don’t know if I will ever find someone so right, feel so strongly, fall so hard, or trust myself so much to stand in front of my family and friends and promise forever again.
But I know now a bit more how it should feel.
It should feel like water welling on the lids of my eyes and a lump in my throat unable to express the joy.
It should feel like looking at a best friend, and saying, I love you. And I am so happy.
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October 20, 2009 at 2:49 pm
[...] my heart marriage [...]